For we who are about to love our mother friggin pillow pets.

The Single Greatest Relationship Ever Developed

Now parents can teach their little toddlers all about the real world, and the human relationships they are sure to encounter in their later years. Not since the Cabbage Patch kids has there been a platform for ensuring your kids have healthy encounters with other adults on the planet, when indeed it is their time to grow up.

But What if I Like My Child's Current Nose?

This is perhaps the most valuable lesson that any kid will ever learn. Parents, please choose any three from among the following selections to determine the valuable lessons that your child might learn:

–Young(-ish)boys will first learn how to quickly and effortlessly undo a “hook-n-loop” strap.
–All the best things in life are machine washable.
–This is a pet with a purpose, just like your future boy or girlfriend, or husband or wife.
–Never spend more than twenty dollars on any gift, or conversely, make sure to spend at least twenty dollars if you expect your gift to be appreciated.
–Don’t market anything to children without making sure that you offer a full 60-day money back guarantee.
–Young consumers will learn how to think past merely “buying” things. Let them think instead, they’re “adopting” them. After all, this is an ownership society in which we are all living.
–If something in life takes more than just one hug before you can fall in love with it, especially inanimate objects or adults, then turn around and quickly run the other way.
–Everything worth discussing serves at least two purposes. (It’s a pillow! It’s a pet! It’s pillow pet!)
–If something is included in a group of items that are all considered both cute and unique, then you will ultimately find difficulty in choosing any one thing over the others.

PILLOW PETS!