Pop quiz: Go Ask Alice.
1. In the opening pages of this text, the diarist dabbles in:
B. Mutual funds
2. The diarist’s first acid trip is administered via:
A. Sugar cube
B. Blotter tab
C. Peekytoe crab with Asian cucumber and fig reduction
3. The diarist views the loss of her virginity as:
A. Brilliant, freaky, way-out
B. Groovy, twitchin, outta sight
C. Heavy, a drag, a bummer
D. Neat, nifty, keen-o
4. The diarist’s first encounter with speed is administered via:
B. Intravenous injection
C. Black Beauties
D. Keanu Reeves
5. Whilst on acid, the diarist examines___________ for hours:
A. The possibility that The Jefferson Airplane may one day become a Starship
B. A Moby Grape black light poster
C. Her hand
D. Her bellybutton
6. To rectify her guilt over selling acid to an elementary school student, the diarist:
A. Distributes hummus roll-ups in the parking lot at a Grateful Dead Show
B. Embarks on a shamanic vision quest
C. Releases 100 white doves with Abbie Hoffman written on the wing
D. Like, totally narcs out
7. The diarist and Pamela Courson Morrison have the following in common:
A. Red hair
B. An affinity for assholes
C. Plans to be buried in Pere Lachaise Cemetary
D. Plans to open a boutique
8. The diarist is moved to tears by the following Beatles song:
A. “She’s Leaving Home”
B. “I Want You”
C. “Strawberry Fields Forever”
D. “Why Don’t We Do It In the Road”
9. At a rally in California, the diarist feels that she is:
A. Foxier than Grace Slick
B. An embodiment of the power of love (which will overcome the love of power)
C. A priestess of satan
D. Mick Jagger’s lips
10. The diarist gives a man named ___________ oral sex for drugs:
A. Boney Maroney
B. Wavy Gravy
C. Kool Keith
D. Big Ass
11. The diarist’s parents create their own “drug-verb in the active tense” out of which of the following words:
A. Trip (i.e. Those freaks tripped our daughter on LSD)
B. High (i.e. Those freaks highed our daughter on marijuana)
C. Snort (i.e. Those freaks snorted our daughter on barbiturates)
D. Blotto (i.e. Those freaks blottoed our daughter on Wild Turkey)
12. In the mental hospital, the diarist fears that she will be eaten alive by:
A. The impending Starbucks culture of the 21st century.
13. Which of the following is a quotation from this text:
A. “You’re either on the bus or off the bus.”
B. “My mind possessed the wisdoms of the ages, and there were no words adequate to describe them.”
C. “And maybe it’s the time of year. Yes, and maybe it’s the time of man. And I don’t know who I am. But life is for learning.”
D. “Like a true nature’s child, we were born, born to be wild.”
14. Do you feel this book would have been received differently if it were titled: Go *Aks* Alice?
15. The diarist’s drug trajectory is thus: LSD > Barbiturates > Speed > Marijuana > Heroin.
I. Does this chain of events negate marijuana as a gateway drug?
II. Dude, what kind of protagonist takes acid when there’s no weed to come down with?
III. Speaking of which, who shoots speed on their first go?
ANSWERS BELOW !
7. B and D