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Getting to know: Evan Lavender-Smith.

December 24, 2010 \am\31 10:00 am

[In which WWAATD asks vapid questions culled from various teen magazines to non-vapid, non-teenager types.]

Full Name: Evan Lavender-Smith
Age: 33
Height: 6’
Currently Live: Yes
Hometown: Las Cruces, NM
Instruments: Alto; soprano and tenor if necessary
Car: 2005 Dodge Caravan Passenger SE Minivan 4D (this one can’t be driven because it has a bum radiator); 2004 Honda Civic Hybrid Sedan 4D; 1999 Jeep Cherokee SE Sport Utility 2D (this one can’t be driven because there’s a family of squirrels living in the undercarriage)
Secret Talent: is no longer secret since dating that one blabbermouth in high school.

What is the best thing about your job? $$$
What was your most embarrassing audition moment? Never had to audition, they always gave me any part I wanted.
If you could live in any past era which would it be and why? I would live in the Deadwood era so to dress old west and make pottymouth.
Who is your role model and why? Mariano “The Hammer of God” Rivera. That quaint little sobriquet pretty much tells the story.
What do you do for fun? Stop staring blankly at this question and move on.
Do you have a good luck charm? Yes. A ring with my boy’s name in a ghetto-fab script carved into it by a huckster at the Deming Duck Races. My boy says that boys don’t wear rings so I wear it on a chain around my neck.
Wackiest fan encounter: I’ve received my fair share of untoward photograph requests via fbmail, just like the next fella.
Before I die, I want to: Dunk a basketball on a regulation goal without a boost.
When I fly I have to have: My ticket and my driver’s license.
If I had to spend $10 at my favorite fast food joint, I’d order: A #1 with cheese for me and a couple small fries and ice waters for the kids.
My coolest article of clothing: Is my tie.
My first financial splurge was: Indicative of a nascent pathology.
When friends come over, we: Try not to get any on the carpet.
Do you like to cook? If so, what? Not really, but I have to do it anyway because my wife can’t cook worth a fratteratterpeggaloomer.
TV show I never miss: Pretty much all of them.
If you could interview any celeb whom would it be and why? Steve Jobs. I would rake him over the coals for designing all these awesome devices that turned me into a stupid.
Anything about yourself you wish you could change? Ego ≠ amigo.
I’ll eat sushi, but not: For breakfast.
What are your best and worst subjects in school? Best: this engineering major with a cleft palate named Frederico. Worst: none, each is special in his/her own sad little way.
If you could be granted 3 wishes, they’d be… 2HOT4WWAATD.
If I could gay-marry anyone in the world, he/she would be… Frustrated?
Where on earth are you most dying to go? To be fair, I should say I’ve heard this one before; the answer is “the cemetery.”
What’s the last thing that made you cry? This.
Do you ever wish you could just be a normal kid? Sure.
What would people be surprised to know about you? I have counted up to a number in my head that is likely 100+ times greater than any number you have ever counted up to in your mouth.
If you had to name one song as your theme song, what would it be? Poème Symphonique for 100 metronomes”.
Have you had a starstruck Hollywood experience? Who was it with? When I was in college a couple of my friends and I taunted Noah Wyle, I think with the hope that he would provide us with an opportunity to fight him.

FAVORITES
Favorite Actor/Actress: Angelina Jolie.
Favorite Movie: Salt.
Favorite Body Part: Her neck.
Favorite Singer: Tom Waits.
Favorite Song: Train Song (live).
Favorite Candy: Chocolate Jesus.
Favorite Philosopher: Gilles Deleuze.
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate Therapy.
Favorite Sport: Immanent Surfing.
Favorite Sports Team: The Rowdy Rhizomes.
Favorite Athlete: Eldrick.
Favorite Book: Our national epic has yet to be written.
Cell Phone or iPod: 575-312-5*1*.
Summer or Winter: Olympics.
Ice Skating or Gymnastics: Ice Skating, Winter; Gymnastics, Summer.
LA or New York: LA, Summer ‘84; New York, bid declined.
Skiing or Snowboarding: Winter for sure.
Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate, Summer or Winter; Flowers, mostly Summer.
Dogs or Cats: Neither, so far as I know.

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