We who are about to tweet: @ciderhouserules.

[In which we find out the Twitter philosophies of my most beloved follows.]

Twitter username: @ciderhouserules
Real name: Shaun Gannon
Recent memorable tweet: “gubmint gum”

What is your ‘follow’ philosophy? Do you follow everyone who follows you? Do you follow celebrities, lit mags, ex-boyfriends?

the main reason i have a Twitter account is to be entertained by reading funny posts (i hate the word ‘tweet’ so much now, so i call them posts), so my followsophy (yup) is primarily to follow people that i think are funny. this includes famous comedians, writers, and strangers on the internet. i also follow my friends, though the crossover between ‘funny’ & ‘friend’ is pretty big, because i like being friends with funny people. when i gain a new follower, i check to see if they’re a bot or not (if so, i usually block them for some unknown reason), and if not, i feel a little better about myself in my insides, so i usually follow them back.

What is your @ philosophy? Do you tweet people back, engage in ‘chit chat,’ become annoyed when others do?

i don’t do it too often, but i’ll tweet people back if i have what i think would be an entertaining reply. one rare exception is the first time norm macdonald said he was fielding questions via Twitter, and when he replied, i had some version of that feeling you get when you meet one of your idols, but this was over the internet, so i would probably feel sort of pathetic about that had it not been norm fucking macdonald.

What is your #hashtag philosophy?

i think i’ve only used hashtags when making fun of how dumb most trending topics are, and they’ve only gotten worse as Twitter gets older, so i’ve given up that fight. i’ve seen some pretty good jokes/puns based on hashtags, but i’m just not that interested in using them.

Do you obsess about number of: followers / retweets / favorites / unfollows / other?

for some reason, the only thing i pay attention to re: followers is that i’ve always maintained an equation of followers x 2 > following, which means nothing, but i think some remnant of my childhood OCD feels warm and snuggly when it sees that ratio, which i check for every time i’m on Twitter. i don’t pay attention to unfollows, and i only check for favorites and RTs when i make a joke that i thought was really funny so that i can be disappointed when it flops.

How do you think you come across to your followers? How would you like to come across?

i don’t know how i come across to my followers. i hope i come across as raul julia.

What do you want people to remember about your Twitter account?

i want them to remember that it’s all good and it’s all in fun. now get in the pit and try to love someone.